Belong

Interview with Mary Jaron Kelly
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Hi, I'm Kevin Micalizzi. In this episode, I had the chance to sit down with Mary Jaron Kelly. Mary's a seasoned community advocate for the city of Portland. Her career began in landscape architecture and progressed to volunteer community leadership. And that allowed her to spend the last 20 years bringing neighborhood associations together through the city's Office of Community and Civic Life.

With personal stories, a touch of humor, Mary helps us understand the importance of collaboration, mutual support, and the joy of creating positive, engaging environments. I hope you enjoy this conversation as much as I did. Thanks.

Bringing Communities Together
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Kevin Micalizzi: So I wanted to have this conversation since I've had the opportunity to work with you through the Neighborhood Associations and I've always loved what you've been, like, I love what you've been doing with Civic Life. You know, trying to bring together the different Neighborhood Associations. Every one of them has different levels of involvement, different focus, different priorities and somehow you find a way to keep them all communicating and connected. What's it like doing that kind of work?

Mary Jaron Kelly: I'm really interested in what's happening in the neighborhoods and in the communities and projects and ideas that they're working on. I care, I really care. I've grown attached to people, you know, built relationships and then friendships. And so I'm interested and maybe I'm a little nosy. I want to know, oh, what's going on over there. Or why is that person? What's happening, what isn't happening. That's a lot of it too, is what isn't happening.

Challenges and Rewards of Community Work
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Mary Jaron Kelly: So I guess, I really think that everybody benefits from being heard. Or at least someone truly listening to them, being there, being present and having a dialogue, connecting with that person, and maybe sharing your truth and listening to what they're saying. And if they're asking for assistance, then I'll provide assistance.

Not everybody does. I don't want to come out and say I know all this, and I'm going to just tell you to do this. So I don't. A lot of what I do is giving out information resources, technical assistance, whatever you want to call it, to people or to groups, whether they are neighborhood associations or community based organizations. And why is it that they're involved, right? Why are they doing that? Because they want to create change, right? They see something that needs maybe a different outlook or a different approach. I'm in there with them. I agree. If that's something that they want to do in their neighborhood and if it's not, off the beaten track I will provide assistance. So I share as appropriate. I believe that the organizations, even though they may be different, as you're saying the different neighborhood associations,

Kevin Micalizzi: Actually, can I ask a question?

Mary Jaron Kelly: Yeah.

Personal Journey and Professional Growth
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Kevin Micalizzi: I'm assuming you've been doing this kind of work for, what, More than 20 years. I'm assuming you didn't start just thinking about it in these terms. Were there challenges or were there, interesting situations you came across as you were getting more comfortable in the space that kind of led you to think like this.

Mary Jaron Kelly: I think, considering that I'm employed, right? And it is my role to support folks. I felt that I needed to, do as much as I could. Share as much as I can of the resources that I have and then I do notice that there are groups, organizations, people, that have less, right? There's more gaps.

Let's say in their resources. And maybe to help them, come up to speed with others. Share what some neighborhoods are doing that I see could be a benefit in another neighborhood. So I really have, maybe eyes out. Out there looking around, looking at sometimes deficiencies.

Right?

And connecting folks who are doing like things, have similar issues. Yeah, that's really important to me. I feel like that's one of my strengths is looking for that. Not weaknesses, where folks might need a boost. I'm not talking, personally, I'm talking like groups and neighborhood associations and how to improve, how to use city resources or even other agency resources.

Kevin Micalizzi: Yeah cause I'm assuming that, they're all volunteer organizations. So turnover might be pretty high, the level of engagement varies neighborhood to neighborhood. So I can just imagine there is a really broad mix that... you, you see.

Mary Jaron Kelly: Yes.

Impact of Volunteering and Community Engagement
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Mary Jaron Kelly: And, I'm just thinking about, one of the neighborhood associations that's changing with new members and, you know, what I notice is what I really love is that people, sometimes people are joiners, sometimes they're not, sometimes they're followers and sometimes they're leaders, right? And. I would say the main theme for most people who belong to a neighborhood association is that they believe they have something to share. They, and those are the ones that stay,

Right.

They have something to share, they know they have a strength, and then they've made a connection. And I guess that's how I feel about my work, too, is that I have something to share. And maybe another way of looking at things. I met somebody last night and she said to me I got a question for you. I know you'll answer this for me and you'll tell me the truth. You'll be honest. You'll be truthful. And I was like, uh oh,

Kevin Micalizzi: Yeah.

Mary Jaron Kelly: I did my best and I'll probably have to talk to her again, because I think she wants to continue that conversation.

You know, In terms of belonging and, somehow I've made that person feel heard. And I do care, I do care. It's not just a job and, oh, and I, the other thing is I like to, not I like, but I really think I, consider community members or neighborhood association members my peers. So I'm not above them. This is not a top down situation. It's, you know, we're fully talking about grassroots and how a community can possibly be revitalized. If that's where they're going. How to share those resources.

Kevin Micalizzi: Right.

Mary Jaron Kelly: The other thing that's happening is that you're always learning new things. So that's exciting. There's new people that you get to meet. They have, including when I first met you. You know, they have great different skills that I don't have. And I, really enjoy connecting people with others who are in that same let's say interest level. And that's how I've done a lot to, to create some of these community engagement projects that I've worked on over the years. Yeah. And humor certainly helps maybe, making fun of myself. Not being too serious, not taking yourself too seriously. And, I often say that I live here too.

I live in Portland too. So I get what you're saying. Somebody is really upset about something, feel that their neighborhood is not getting treated well, whatever it is. I get it. Cause we all basically are experiencing the same challenges. And I do want to say that you know, I'm always amazed, Kevin, at how much people are able to give to their communities. How much time, money, their energy, their creativity, and that is humbling to me. And also, totally rewarding and really aspirational like, wow, they can do this. They're using their abilities to change their block. and they've really made this a great place. So, that is to me, just, that's what keeps me going, that really does and connecting with folks learning more and more about them and their hopes and dreams.

Kevin Micalizzi: So I want to ask, back to what you were just saying about, you live here too.

Background and Early Influences
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Kevin Micalizzi: Let's talk a little bit about how you got started in this line, because I don't think most people listening know that this is not your background at all.

Mary Jaron Kelly: I do have a master's degree in landscape architecture and I did work in that field for several years. I also taught classes basically a community education kind of format, for Multnomah Soil and Water Conservation District.

Yeah. And so I was working at this office and for them for about 18 years total. And um, so that was a, a very fun, fun experience, similar to this, where you were meeting with people, you were teaching, you were taking them to, you know, a site. Talking about, you know, landscape design, planning native plants, habitats. and a lot of that work or, or how I did that work also influenced this work, you know, and vice versa. Just the general, how do you work with the public?

How do you connect? How do you listen? How do you follow through? You know, that kind of thing. So I feel like that work really was a benefit for me. I got started working for North Portland Neighborhood Services as a volunteer. So in my neighborhood, I solved a problem. Basically criminal drug problem. And I lived in North Portland and I just kind of started calling around, in the city and I hadn't really been in Portland very long. So for assistance, police, crime, and then we started to get to know our neighbors. And so we did close down a drug house and it had a lot more to it on our block.

And that was a fascinating situation. So I got to know some people who worked in North Portland Neighborhood Services. And I just kind of said, do you have any little part time jobs that, you know, a new mom could do? And I kind of fell into it. And then after years, well, I have worked here over 20 years, but you know, the job changed, merged, and it is what it is now. And I haven't left. I think it was that early experience of volunteering and getting to know other city staff, including the police officers, detectives that kind of was enticing and I enjoyed organizing, you know, organizing my neighbors. We were doing surveillance. We were communicating.

This is all pre. I think it might be pre email. So that was telephone and in person contact. Anyway, so that was gratifying to be able to close that, that down, that drug house and improve that block.

Kevin Micalizzi: So when you were doing the landscape architecture, you could have easily had your business, you do the designs and not had the public education component. So I'm assuming something in your life leading up to that kind of led you to take what you'd learned and want to share it.

Is that a good guess on my part?

Mary Jaron Kelly: Yeah. You know what, I'll be honest, it was really a challenge, teaching, I wasn't comfortable. Public speaking was very nerve wracking for me as a young adult. But somehow I got past that. So, you know, it is about speaking, and even in this office, this work, you have to right, speak in front of groups.

Kevin Micalizzi: I'm actually thinking even before that, like in your upbringing, were there role models? Was there a path that you saw or did the public component of, what you ended up studying, did that just evolve on its own?

Mary Jaron Kelly: Yeah, I'm going to say it, it evolved on its own.

I think I had some good mentors. So I'm, I'm definitely, you know, going to say that Tom Griffin-Valade, who was the, you know, director here was amazing, you know. Public speaker, manager, friend, mentor. And I learned so much from him. But I also learned a lot from all the volunteers. I did a lot of volunteering with the schools where my kids went to school and helped to raise money for the school foundations for middle school and high school. And so I met a lot of great people there. And that was that at one point really became a part time job, you know, as a volunteer. So I was always kind of like, Hmm. She seems so comfortable, you know, like speaking in front of this group. I don't know if I can do that, but I think the teaching definitely, you know, putting yourself in front of a group was really, humbling, humiliating at times. And then I grew to love that.

And also that connection that you have with people. And again, sharing information, giving them resources, helping them solve problems is, is just totally, you know, what I do now. I will say that I think a lot of, you know, my training and work in landscape architecture and looking at a landscape, a place and, and looking around and saying Hmm, this could be so much nicer if this was, or why is this like this?

So, you know, kind of that visual ability to look at a place, whether it's, you know, downtown Kenton, or, a neighborhood block in Arbor Lodge , or a park, say, you know, just always looking at things in this visual way. So, you know, definitely for me, communicating with people, but also looking to where they live and streets and, you know, parks and, how people use a space too is really important to me.

Yeah. that's something that's maybe invisible in my mind. But now that we're talking and thinking about that's really important to me.

Kevin Micalizzi: Yeah, I mean, there are actually terms for it, when you're designing an environment for, from a communications perspective, you want, it's sociopedial, sociofugal, like you want an environment that either encourages communication or discourages, you know, do all, chairs face the right direction or, have you set it up so that, people have their private spaces.

Yeah. I, I probably think in similar terms, but it's not on a conscious level.

Mary Jaron Kelly: Right. we've grown so used to it.

Well one thing that my former boss had said to me, you know as we were doing all these events here and a lot of it is work is, you know, setting up and tearing down. I remember him saying, treat these folks, anybody who comes into a room, whether it's a meeting or a big gathering or just, like they're a host at your house. And, that's what I do. That's what I really try to do is to be welcoming. And you know, it doesn't always work out, there might be some kind of distraction, but to me, that was so easy,

Right.

Like just come on in, come on in. Yeah.

Kevin Micalizzi: But I think that's more your nature. You organize things in your personal life, just like you do in your professional.

Mary Jaron Kelly: Yes, I definitely do. You asked about my background. You know, growing up, my parents and the more, you know, I've been thinking about this. They were, they were advocates or activists back then in the 70s and they saved, a piece of land that had been vacant to be used as a park. It still is a park, there's some trails on it. They also moved to another home, and there, 'oh no,' there was a super fund site nearby.

Yeah, this is New Jersey. And so they worked to fight and, it's still being cleaned up, you know, it's being like seriously cleaned up with all the, all the systems that they use there to remove the, underground pollution. So, the brown, you know, brownfield, that's what it was. So I watched them attend they called it civic association meetings in our neighborhood. Go to those meetings, speak uh, you know, communicate with groups, gather, complain, you know, just like, what can we do? Why is this not happening? So I did, I did see that and I wasn't a part of it, you know, that was like for the adults, but yeah, I did, I did see that.

And I think maybe that did kind of, rub off on me. Maybe that's what made me think more about getting involved and being a part of something like that.

Kevin Micalizzi: Yeah, but I feel like you had to get to it in your own way.

Mary Jaron Kelly: Yeah, I never

Kevin Micalizzi: Your path sounds very different than theirs

Mary Jaron Kelly: So I'm on living on a street with a drug house, you know. So that happened and I had to do something about it, right? I felt like I, I guess I felt like I could do something about maybe that's some, that's something that people need to, to be told or, or reminded. Yes, you can, you can do something.

You can make that change.

I like that.

Kevin Micalizzi: You have come up with so many awesome things. So I'm going to run down the list here and I want to know what I missed. Just in terms of building community, you've talked about needing to listen. You've got to actually care and show them that you care. You've got to be honest.

You've got to bring empathy. You've got to understand their perspective. You've got to be humble. You've got to share what you have and you need to continuously learn. That's what I got from what you've talked about so far. What have I missed?

Mary Jaron Kelly: Oh, a little bit of humor or a little bit of, self mockery or something. I'm not, I'm not that important. Right.

Kevin Micalizzi: But I don't even know if it's the self deprecating humor. In my experience, you make it fun. I've yet to see you approach something in like, this has to be a hundred percent serious at all times. That's one of the things I love about working with you is you make it fun.

Mary Jaron Kelly: Thank you.

Kevin Micalizzi: You're welcome.

I don't do it. You do it.

No, need to thank me. You're the one doing all the work.

Mary Jaron Kelly: Yeah. That go, that goes a long way. It does.

Kevin Micalizzi: So I do want to ask, cause I know you mentioned it. You like to throw parties in your personal life for friends. And if I remember correctly, you love doing themed parties. What are some of your favorite themed parties you've done?

Mary Jaron Kelly: Been so many. Um, We, you know, and this might seem like, uh, you know, passe, but, craft night, everybody brought something that they're, that they do, that they, they make, whether it's knitting or jewelry. , I was just, remembering where I had hosted a birthday party here actually at the firehouse and it was a bracelet making, you know, you made your own bracelets and that was very fun. Hula hoop making, lots of, you know, a couple of, those, um, what do they call them? You know, are they white elephant or, you know, everybody brings a gift and then we kind of flip the rules a little bit. I think one of the ones that was the most, that people remember, and I don't think I'm going to be able to replicate it, was right around Covid. Now this was an outdoor party in my, our backyard. And, or it was, Covid was, Nobody, no, it was, we were in Covid, but somehow things had gotten safer. And so we were outside and I asked people to share what had happened to them or happening, or if they felt comfortable, you know, within the past couple of years. Right. Of Covid. And oh my gosh, those stories were intense.

You know, what people shared and some of the, you know, the people there were close friends and some weren't, you know, they all knew each other, but some, you know, had closer ties, but I still hear people talking about that, that they couldn't believe. And I won't go into the details because they're private, but it was, it was really, you know, people needed to share, they needed the support. There were some tears, you know, there were definitely a lot of laughs, but you know, kind of thinking about what's that next party? I hosted a 60th birthday party last year, you know, how can we make that like a big deal, Lots of fun., Showing vacation photos, on a big screen.

And yeah,

Kevin Micalizzi: Okay.

Mary Jaron Kelly: and some people are like, Oh, no thanks. But you know, other people were so excited to come do that. And you know, recently we hosted a small dinner. We had two pairs of couples, that came over, had just gone to Japan, their first time. So we made a, Japanese inspired meal and that was really fun. My husband's been there many times. So he has, we have grown to embrace that culture and we just thought it'd be fun to, bring these two couples together that didn't know each other.

Yeah. Yeah. So there's

Kevin Micalizzi: Oh, I love it.

Mary Jaron Kelly: Right, Kevin? no end to it.

Kevin Micalizzi: Yeah. You brought up Covid.

Adapting to Change and Building Resilience
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Kevin Micalizzi: Have you noticed changes in how communities come together or whether people feel like they belong or not since the pandemic? Because I know the pandemic was just, it was, just turned everything upside down for a while. Yeah. Yeah. And, a lot of people were feeling disconnected a little bit before the pandemic, and then lockdown hits and they feel trapped and alone.

And even just doing surveys with my neighborhood, like there are people who still feel disconnected. With the people who live right around them.

Mary Jaron Kelly: Yeah. You know, I think about, was really when Covid started that, volunteers to create something called the North Portland Doers Group, or Doers Gathering. And that was basically bringing people together who, who either, either worked or volunteered or somehow were engaged with people experiencing homelessness, housing injustice, or food insecurity. And that little, volunteer project grew. We were kind of, you know, around for about three years. That was the life cycle of that project. And there were so many people that were connected. We had at least over the years, 60 different speakers.

We held these quarterly and you know, the partnerships within were amazing. You know, we were, I was connecting people who were doing food, you know, insecurity programs, and this was all based when it started in North Portland. So, you know, my thought was, let's show the community what you're doing, what all you wonderful people are doing, and let's connect you.

Let, and so that's gone, you know. And I,those people are still doing that work out there. They're still engaged with those different communities, but we've kind of lost touch with them. And maybe, maybe they're on more solid ground, or maybe they're not. But I know they're still there. And the beauty of it was that we had folks speak for roughly three to five minutes, share what they're doing in their organizations, and then, had breakout groups. So you could actually focus, you could ask more questions about that program or project and build a network. You know, that was, that was the point, get more volunteers. So. I feel like I wish we could still do that again. Um, you know, it was, it was getting to be too much. And then as, as for the volunteers, and then as we, you know, moved out of Covid, it just didn't seem like it was as needed, maybe not true, but you know, you could, you could do things, you could build communities, you know, in other, topics, you know, the environment, what have you can definitely do that, using that as a model, but. It was so special, and it was so, you know, I had some meetings where people were kind of crying a little bit because they were just so amazed at how people were helping others, as I was.

I was just, you know, floored so many times. So that was a great experience, and yeah, I think I think Covid, you know, maybe it allowed us to create that, you know, you know, out of, out of loss. And hopefully I will say that some of those organizations maybe are stronger because of that. You know, maybe they were just getting started and now they're, and I know that's the case for some of them, are really have received a lot of funding and are, are doing quite well.

Kevin Micalizzi: Right. Yeah. I love that. And I do wonder, I think you might be right in that because so much was taken away during the pandemic that it may have just created an opportunity because I can almost imagine, most people before the pandemic would have been like I'm really busy. I, I can't sign up for something else.

Whereas coming out of that, I think people were just craving it.

Mary Jaron Kelly: Mm hmm. They Yeah. I mean, you know, seeing who had extra vegetables, extra produce, taking them to a church nearby that had a pantry people needed food, you know, and just, see the, how proud they were to be able to do that. And then just the return of, of receiving that, you know, appreciation.

Kevin Micalizzi: I was looking at my notes.

Empowering Communities and Giving Credit
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Kevin Micalizzi: One other thing you mentioned when we were talking before today's session Is how important it is to give people credit and I've noticed, as the kids would say, low key, you've been doing that through this entire conversation, if there's a mentor, there was the mentor you were very proud of, name right there, give the credit, keep going.

In terms of giving people credit, has that just always been a part of how you approach things? Or did that, come about at some point in your professional life or even personal life.

Mary Jaron Kelly: Yeah. But I think it was. It came about because I often didn't get credit for things, you know, or was somehow left out. I mean, that's kind of, unfortunate to have to say that, but I think that was part of it, but also then realizing the work that I do here is community driven.

So it's not about me. It's if somebody wants to do this and I can't do it by myself. And so it's really about empowering folks and making that connection. So you can't do If you're going to have a large event or a doers gathering, I couldn't do it all by myself. And I don't have the skills, right? And other people have the connections, have the knowledge. I just, maybe I'm a little better about putting things together, organizing stuff, coordinating things, introducing people . So I realize I'm, I. I'm not an island, you know, can't be an island, in this kind of work or in what I was doing before or even personally, you know. It's so much more fun to be uh, you know, I hate to say team player, but it's just much more fun to be working with others than, than kind of by yourself. And I don't need the credit, you know, it's all up to others. I'm happy to be in the background. Sometimes.

Sometimes. But yeah. Yeah. I am. I am.

Kevin Micalizzi: Yeah, it's funny, though, because I know people I've worked with over the years who enjoy that team environment. They know they can't do it themselves,

Mary Jaron Kelly: Mm

Kevin Micalizzi: But just have never been as strong at, giving the credit when it's due. They, they just assume everything else happened. And, I think a lot of people do, they forget to actually thank each person.

It was interesting though, in that answer you were just giving, you talked about empowering people as well. So I've lost count and how many great things you've given me here. I think we're on 10 now. How do you approach trying to empower those communities? Is it the sharing the knowledge? Or are there other aspects to it

Mary Jaron Kelly: How do I figure that out? Like, whether they want to be empowered, or

Kevin Micalizzi: Or even just how to go about it? I mean, I feel like in an ideal world, everyone's empowering everyone else, we all should be the main character in our own story. And feel that we have the, ability and the authority to do what we need to do for ourselves, for our community, for our organization.

Mary Jaron Kelly: I think well, you have to build some kind of trust, right? And respect. I mean, obviously you're showing that you're respecting that person . There's some, I think there's a little bit of time, a little bit of give and take where you figure that out. But if somebody is like asking you for help, sometimes they don't want to be empowered.

They want you to, to do everything. And that's, I'm not going to say that's disappointing. But you're still, no matter what steps you're taking to help them, they're learning something, I think, you know, they may not be, going to seek out, you know, the, the highest level of Portland city government, but you're giving them some, some, names or content. I'm just using that as an example, of how to do it or who these people are, who would care. So you're, you're building that maybe knowledge base. And also part of this job because I said it's community driven. I, you know, I can't tell you how to, you know, let's say, plant trees on your block, right? Or, Oh, you need more trees. I can't, I don't, I can't tell you that, but if you say, Hey, how do you know who I call about that?

Or what's going on with this dead tree? Do you have any idea? I might be able to help you out. That's an example. I'm using that as an example, but I do know a little bit about trees.

Kevin Micalizzi: I'm now up to 11 items on my list from you of things you can do to, help people, help build an environment where people feel they belong. I'll go back through it again. You have to listen, you have to care, you have to be honest.

You have to have empathy, be humble, share what you have, learn, make it fun, give people credit, empower others to do what they need to do, and you need to build trust and respect.

Mary Jaron Kelly: uh yeah,

Kevin Micalizzi: It's such a great list, Mary.

Mary Jaron Kelly: Well, uh, it's not, it's not bullshit, it's real yeah, yeah, and you know, I learn a lot from the volunteers, right? I'm learning so much from you. I'm learning so much from others, you know, and so, so there is that sort of constant reminder of we're in this together.

To me, that's really rewarding.

That's, you know, I feel just such great joy, you know, and, I feel blessed, that I've been able to do that over these years. And I'll never, that'll never go away. That'll, you know, always stay with me. Always. Yeah.

Final Thoughts
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Kevin Micalizzi: I feel like that's such a great spot to end on. Is there anything that I didn't think of asking you.

Mary Jaron Kelly: I guess one thing you said when you were asking me how I got started. And I wrote here in my notes just that I, that I, I got hooked on community revitalization and rebuilding after we had that, you know, situation on our block. I just got, it was almost like, Oh, this is, wow, this is fun. This is fun getting to know your neighbors, solving a problem, getting to know, you know, find out all these resources. And it was opening up my world, right? My world was, I had a, you know, a new baby and I was also trying to be mama bear and protect that child, of course, on my block. But it opened up my world. And so I think that's the other thing that I get, such joy from is that my world is always, you know, it's not static, it's new people, it's new issues. And that's, and I'm hooked on that, you know, like that's what I will probably continue to do throughout my life, you know, whether it's in a volunteer mode, working somewhere, or just you know in my neighborhood. I'm just kind of doing different things and I'm not always organizing stuff, Kevin. I do have to take a break.

Kevin Micalizzi: You do attend other people's events and.

Mary Jaron Kelly: Yes, yes, yes. But, you know, great, great joy out of that. And let's see here if there's anything else. So this probably is about it. But, you know, in connecting with people, sometimes you're talking to strangers, right? And so, maybe, you know, over the years, maybe when I was younger, I wasn't comfortable with talking to strangers or asking questions. And there is a fine line, you know, you can't always ask very personal questions right, at times. But then overall, people, they want to talk about themselves, don't they? They want to share. They want to be heard. And I think we all do, like I do. Right? And so I think realizing that very basic instinct that we have, we all have, is to be connected, to belong, is really the essence of this.

So whether you have, a distraction, something happening on your block, I think, yes, that's something people need to deal with. But I think all in all it's, it's that, that connection with folks. That being a part of something that will keep people, as I've seen in the neighborhood association system, together. Supporting each other, knowing that you're here for them, they're here for you. And we're gonna do something great, you know, we're gonna create change. So that's, that's,

Kevin Micalizzi: I love it.

Mary Jaron Kelly: That's, that's it. That's the, the kernel, I think, you know,